Jalisa+Smith

__**Introduction:**__ My poetry is key to understanding my own personal struggles. In my poetry I realize that I capture the moment by using descriptive language and playful with my words. I also tend to have stanzas that either slow down the pace of the poem or make it powerful. In my writing I realize that in every poem I find ways to place the things and people around me in it. For example, in my first poem, the memory poem, I ended it with "where everything was so clear, but yet, the world so dark." In another poem I wrote about how some one else lives by saying, "you see, marks of a beast-scattered all over her arms". I find that I deliberately place pieces like this in my poems because it shows that I recognize how the world around me can so effect me so deeply. I guess that is the main theme of all of my poems, the effect of the world on me.

__**1) Quote:**__

"Poetry is either something that lives like a fire inside you-like music to the musician or Marxism to the Communist-or else it does nothing..." - F. Scott Fitzgerald Poetic Techniques: - Stanzas - Word choice

__**2) Memory Poem**__

She stood by the door of the red house. Beneath her, her friends, her closest friends. To the side, my colleague, who embarks upon maturity.

Astonished to see that there could be such a beautiful day. The sun beating hard on my back. With no intentions of being this close to the edge. So close to the edge. I was driven to feel like a big girl. With the speed of a pop kite, I was off. Wind blowing in my face. Sweat dripping from my legs. Perspiring to the other side, smiling with the thought of achievement. Turning to show my pride… In that glimpse of time The look on her face changed mine. High pitched screams pierced my ears, followed by a heavy force in the pillars of my temple. Dropping to the ground as the world went… From the green of the earths grass. To blue. The blue of the clouds pool. To gray, the gray of the never ending wonders no one seems to find. Finally to black. Where everything was so clear, but yet the world, so dark.

+ Good use of vocab, i liked the popcap + Use of verbs and adjectives is good + very descriptive + sense of suspense ? maybe you could use "grown woman" instead of "big girl"? ? Maybe compress the middle bit some so that it's more clear ? could you maybe use something other than high pitched to describe the scream?

Martez +I like your description +I like how you incorporate colors in to this +I like how its not all that obvious of what you are talking about ?You should make it ryhme more ?Use less punctuation ?Make some of the sentences longer

Sara Nesbitt + You made it mysterious, but I really loved how you started it off with the mysteriousness.

+ I think you used great times of Clichés.

+ I love the ending where you say the colors, and then a definition, and then a darker color, definition and I just really liked the set up of that. It made the entire poem have more emotion.

? I think with a poem with this much depth, could have more abstract words.

? I think you could take it a little bit farther and take some more risks.

? Is there a larger meaning behind this? If so explain it more in depth.

__Revised Poem:__

She, My matriarch. She stood by the door of the red house. Beneath her, her friends, her closest friends. To her side, my colleague, who embarks upon maturity.

Astonished to see that there could be such a beautiful day. The sun beating hard on my back. With no intentions of being this close to the edge. So close to the edge. My heels hot by the touch of the gravel. My toes, sliding off of my flip flop. Tip-toeing off of the edge. So far away from the edge...

With the speed of a pop kite, I was off. Wind blowing in my face. Sweat dripping from my legs. Perspiring to the other side, smiling with the thought of achievement. Turning to show my pride.

In that glimpse of time

The look on her face changed mine. High pitched screams pierced my ears, followed by a heavy force in the pillars of my temple. Dropping to the ground as the world went…

From the green of the earths grass.

To blue. The blue of the clouds pool.

To gray, the gray of the never ending wonders no one seems to find. Finally to black. Where everything was so clear, but yet the world, so dark.


 * __3) My Ode__**

Ode to Glasses:

My glasses perpetuate my senses. Raise my awareness Allow me to have discretion

Lexy Babcock + Love your choice on picking your glasses! + I really like the connection you are suggesting with you and your glasses + I love the vocal you used, like perpetuate and discretion

?- How do they raise your awareness? ?- How do they allow you to have discretion? ?- Maybe you could use personification to give your glasses life?

? Can you add more description? More about your glasses out in the world? - JB

Revised Ode:

see, you lenses in my glasses you think you're all that. You know that without you two, my glasses wouldn't be in tact.

You perpetuate my senses, without you I am lost. Our relationship, is perplex it's amusing. Yet it's gone.

You think I forgot about you? while you perch in my drawer? You know I'll never leave you.. I know you, inside and out. But now that I'm finding myself.. I have no need to see to you again. no need to peek at your soul, to capture the images in front of me... I'll simply do that on my own.

But thank you, my lenses, that sit in a fence perched in my drawer.

__**4) Found Poem:**__

__Confusingly Intriguing__

You marry ya' dad? Come again? Well, that's not my problem... You don't have to ask Take a lot of cheese-nits pwease. Take some JaJa. What did you do? Does she ever see any of us do that? I'm going to ballerina class JaJa You mad at me? Wait. Wait, I forget something everybody..

I love you.

Helen + I like the way you put your quotes in + I like how you spaced "I love you" ? Were the dot dot dots from the quote or did you add them?


 * __5) "I was raised by" Poem__**

i was raised by a careful and intelligent woman destined to create the best resting place for her offspring searching for ways to grow closer to God.

Jalisa, Jalisa Jessica Smith was extracted from the mind of a heavy set twinkle-eyed. rosy cheeks. big pearly teeth. "It's only a test, that you're going through" Woman.

The arched back, small waist thick thighs nice face "I don't need a man." type of Women, all surrounding me.

I come from a chain of midwives and alcoholics, designers, filled with false hope. the people who do the unexpected; those that know their destiny and. those that are completely lost just going with the flow.

I grow from a stem of intellectual prowess bravery to take a leap of faith... yet Continuously blooming, as the seasons change.

Helen + I LOVE YOUR COLLAGE!!! + I like the way you put your stands in + I like how you did yet as a separate line ? I wonder if you could add who the quotes were form at the bottom

Collage:
 * __6) Riff Poem__**

Life is hard to understand. Isn't it? Can you fathom what living truly is, This day and age?

Living, to some is a hard thing to do.

To find your loved ones hanging from your roof.

A note on the bed, where you last made love. With blood dripping from a head above?

Life is hard to understand, isn't it?

Living, to many is complicated, you see, marks of a beast scattered all over her arms each one, representing the resentment of life. tear stains where her fore-fathers should have kissed her with a blessing streaming down her face.. confusion. leading to her chin delusions of herself being herself, which was herself she should be. life is hard to understand, isn't it?

Life is hard to compress into a box of happiness when life has its ending leading to a faithful beginning when the health of your heart dies away and your loved ones can't even say a thing to sway the cradle of happiness which once. held you.

but look at you with unfaithful eyes and hope that God gives you a surprise of a new and healthy life. ...is hard to understand.

Living is hard to do. When all who stand beside you, won't. Living is complicated when some one is "comin' at ya neck", and you don't know what to say. but We do what it takes to shake the snake that coils around our humble lives.

+This poem is awesome +Nice metaphors +I liked how you ended with the line from the other poet, it made it even more powerful by finishing powerful +I liked how it has an audience +Nice rhymes +Extra deep -Nothing -RA

- Edited by Danielle Little


 * __7) Imagist Poem__**

i touched the dusty screen of my smart phone where my face lies, night by night recreating the memories by hearing the soft, sweet ... tone of your voice.

-if the phone is dusty, meaning it hasn't been used in a long time, how come in the second line you say it in present tense? +I like how it created a scene in my head +I like how it kept me thinking about who you were probably talking to because soft and sweet doesn't sound masculine, so it has to be a girl. So then that makes me think about what your relationship with the girl was. +I like that it also brings up something that's gone since you had to recreate the memories


 * __8) Detailed Analysis: Gertrude Stein__**

Jalisa Smith Gertrude Stein

The poet that I chose to do a detailed analysis of is Gertrude Stein, she was an amazing writer and poet from our very own Pennsylvania. She was one of the very few poets and writers that studied different things in College, ranging from psychology to medicine, then moving on to a love for the arts. If anything I’d say she is a very liberal person. After reading some of her poems I see that they express her as a person in her writing.

After looking over some of her work, I have concluded that she has the ability to be playful with her words causing her work to be challenging for the reader. In one poem //A Long Dress//, she begins by saying “That is the current that makes machinery/ that makes it crackle.” Initially, I thought she was talking about energy throughout some type of machine. Then as I read on I became confused because of her word choice and the connection with the title of the poem. I can conclude that to have a better understanding of her poetry, the reader has to break down her poems word for word.

In another piece of her writing, //Daughter// she begins by saying, “Why is the world at peace. / This may astonish you a little but when you realize how/ easily Mrs. Charles Bianco sells the work of American/ painters to American millionaires’ you will recognize that/ authorities are constrained to be relieved.” This is expressing one of her writing skills that I noticed after reading her poems; she is a very dynamic writer. I love that the third line begins with “easily” because it emphasizes the fact that the poet wants the audience to understand that it is a complex world we live in that causes this type of thing. Another important thing I realized is that the title of this particular poem is probably the type of audience she is looking for, the young females. Another observation I made while reading this poem is that she tends to reference the world. This particular poem is not about her, so she is making her own observations of the world.

One of my most favorite poems from Gertrude Stein is //21// where she says “I love my love with a v/ Because it is like that/ I love my love with a b/ Because I am beside that/ A king.” Although I don’t really understand the meaning, I can tell that those letters mean something to the poet. This is again, one of the main reasons why I feel as though Gertrude Stein is a complex poet, she puts a lot of thought and effort into what she writes.

Overall I feel as though Gertrude Stein used the world around her and her own experiences to create poems that expressed her views or captures the audience and gave them a different outlook on something. Considering her educational background and her occupation, she was capable of producing poetry that was so complex.